Negotiations Day

Usuku Lwamalobo (Umcelo)

At first light, the groom's chosen negotiators arrive at the gate of the bride's home. They do not simply knock. They announce themselves by calling the family's praises, making clear they have come in peace, to ask for kinship. It is common to be kept waiting at the gate for a long time; a child may be sent to sit or lie before it, and the negotiators offer a small gift to open the way. Only then do the discussions of kinship, and of the cattle, begin.

Ngosuku olubekiwe, abakhongi bayavuka ekuseni baya esangweni lakubo kwentombi, babize izithakazelo, bese beqala izinkulumo zokucela isihlobo.

The two families sit facing each other at the bride's home, between two huts.
Scene three. The two families meet at the bride's home.

Words to know

Umkhongi omkhulu
The chief negotiator — the lead uncle who speaks for the family
Umkhongi omncane / umphelezeli
The junior negotiator who supports and accompanies him
Unobhala
The scribe who records everything agreed on the day
Intombi
The young woman (or two) who carry the bride's gifts

What is said

We greet this home; we have not come with war — we come to ask for a good kinship.

Sikhulekile ekhaya kwanozibanibani, asizile ngempi — sizocela isihlobo esihle.

Called out at the gate as the negotiators announce themselves.

What unfolds

  1. The negotiators reach the gate and call the family's praises (izithakazelo).

    Bafika esangweni, babize izithakazelo zabo.

  2. They are deliberately kept waiting, sometimes for a long time, before the gate is opened.

    Kujwayelekile ukuthi banganakwa isikhathi eside kuze kube bavulelwa esangweni.

  3. A child is sent to sit or lie before the gate; the negotiators offer a small gift to open the way.

    Kuthunyelwa ingane ivule isango; abakhongi bakhipha izipho ukuze ingane ivulele indlela.

  4. The bride's father stays silent until the imvulamlomo — the 'mouth-opening' gift — is given.

    Ubaba kamakoti uthule kuze kukhishwe imvulamlomo (izipho).

  5. Talk turns to the cattle — their kinds, their number, and the gifts owed to the mother and father.

    Kukhulunywa ngezinkomo zamalobolo, amanani azo, nezibizo zikamama nesikababa.

Commonly this is how the day unfolds — but families and regions differ, and each home has its own way. Treat this as a guide, not a rule.